Hygiene Tips From a Ten Year Old (by: Mike)

Since we arrived here a little over three weeks ago I have tried to revisit my beliefs of what I think I want and need.  What are my needs - really?  How often do I need to bathe?  How often do I really need to change my clothes, or my underwear for that matter?  How often do I need to shave?  How often do I need to cut my finger nails & toe nails.

Here is what I discovered.  Bathe - 4 days unless you're really sweating like a pig.  Clothes - 4 days unless you're rolling in the mud with the pigs.  Underwear - 3 days unless you're having certain issues having to do with bacon stripes.  Shave - still haven't yet, though I did have to trim my pie hole cause food was getting stuck in it way too much & prevented me from eating like a pig.  Finger nails - 2 weeks, else you can scratch someone & make them squeal like a pig.

And toe nails.  Well, Declan told me yesterday that I should cut my toe nails as they were starting to curl like a pigs tail (okay, that a stretch on the whole pig thing).  But, I figure when a 10 year old is giving you hygiene tips, well, you probably ought to listen.  So I did.